Let Me Tell You Something

Song of The Day: Too Beautiful For Words by The Original Broadway Cast Of "The Color Purple" [https://youtu.be/JTNJGWN3xfc]

Life is so beautiful. Waking up every morning and seeing the sun rise and the moon shine bright at night is a blessing. Being able to have air in my lungs and blood pumping through my body is a miracle and having the ability to articulate my emotions and form thoughts and opinions on the world is a gift. But life is also scary. You begin to wonder how something so wonderful can also be so frightening because one moment you feel like everything is JUST right. Your family is in a good place, your finances are stable, and you are happy, but in a blink of an eye your entire life can be shaken up by just one single sentence...

June 6, 2016, I was awakened around 7 in the morning by my mom walking in my room in tears. It was like a shot straight to my nervous system. She said to me, "try to call your daddy. He isn't answering the phone and never showed up at work." At that point, sleep was the last thing on my mind and I was trying to console my mother and pray that nothing bad had happened on my dad's way to work. So many horrible things were going through my mind but I couldn't show that emotionally because I had to be strong for my mother who was upset. After about an hour, I received a phone call from an officer saying that my father was flown to Norfolk General Hospital because he was in a car accident. You know when you're a little kid and you think of something funny but you can't act on it because something serious is going on? That was how I felt in that moment, but with a very different emotion. I had to keep my composure and appear to be stoic while I was freaking out inside because my mom was falling apart at the seams. Let me tell you something. There is nothing worse than seeing your parent cry. It is absolutely heartbreaking. Parents appear to be so strong all of the time, so when they finally break down, it is like you don't know what to do.

Once we arrived at the hospital, I felt a sense of relief because I knew that my dad was alive and stable. Those moments of not knowing are where your faith is tested the most. I remember praying and praying that everything would be ok. I prayed that he would be alive and I prayed for my mother because she was taking this harder than any of us. Can you just imagine that? A person that you have known since you were a child and have been with for almost 25 years being hurt and you can't do a single thing about it? It is scary. I was thinking the whole time that he had to be alive because I could not imagine life without him. I was also thinking that I don't want to have to help my mom plan a funeral anytime soon because I am too young to lose my dad. Thinking back to that Monday and to where we are now (two weeks later), I can honestly say that God works in mysterious ways. There is no other explanation. Prayer works and miracles do happen every single day. Seeing him that Monday morning all covered in glass and torn apart struck something in me. I pray to God no one ever has to face that feeling. I now have a glimpse of what it is like for those that stay in hospitals for long periods of time due to illnesses. It is not fun and it is not something I would wish on my worst enemy (not that I have one). You get no sleep, you're poked several times, and there is no peace. I know how I feel about staying in a hospital, but I can't even imagine what is going through my dad's mind. He has always been extremely independent and active, so seeing him stuck in a bed and not very independent hurts. I pray every single day that he will get out of this hospital and return to his life better than ever. Seeing him go through spinal surgery and blood transfusions just made me appreciate the work of those in the medical field so much more. I thank God for the nurses, surgeons, specialists, EMTs, therapists, and any other people that have contributed to his well-being. They are living angels because he most certainly would not be here right now without their hard work and care.

The most amazing thing that I have seen since all of this happened is the support. You know when things happen and people say that if you need anything, they will help you? Some people actually mean it. It is beyond shocking how people that you haven't spoken to in years will show up and be a blessing to you. The other day my dad said something that really made me think. He said that you never really know whose life you have impacted until something happens to you. The love and kind words that we have received since that Monday has been so heartwarming. Knowing that you have people in your corner that want to see you do better is astonishing. It makes you feel good. I believe that there is a reason for all of this. Everything that is happening in this moment has a purpose. We may not know what that purpose may be now and maybe we will never know, but it means something. The pain, tears, and stress is shaping and strengthening all of us. If there is one thing that has become more evident to me since my dad's accident is that things happen SO quickly. When I went to bed Sunday night, I was not expecting all of this to happen. You can try your hardest to prepare for things like this, but in the end you will never really be prepared because there are some things you cannot prevent. You think you're invincible or the single exception. You think that you're too young to die or people get in accidents everyday, but it won't be you. I was listening to a song and a singer said that "dying is easy...living is harder." You don't realize that until something major happens and shakes up your life and those around you. You can die so easily, but you have to fight to live and that is what my dad is doing. I was telling him that he has so much to look forward so that makes him want to try harder. Seeing him work his hardest in physical and occupational therapy makes me happy because he is trying so hard to beat this.

I am just overwhelmed with the magnitude of God's greatness because every time I think about the various outcomes that could have occurred in this situation, I look up and smile. I can't even begin to really describe it all. I want to thank everyone who has been keeping our family in their prayers because prayer still works. We will get through this. My dad most definitely will get through this. We couldn't have done it all without the love and support.

"...the night can only last for so long. Whatever you're facing, if your heart is breaking, there's a promise for the ones who just hold on. Life up your eyes and see. The sun is rising." ~ Britt Nicole

Pinky Promise

Song of The Day: Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli

Because of summer break and everything that has been going on in my life lately, I have had a lot of time to think. Maybe too much time. I constantly find myself lingering over the question of “what am I doing with my life.” I find myself creating images in my mind of what my life could be like, what I could be like. I came to the conclusion that we sometimes spend so much time making promises to others and do not spend enough time making promises to ourselves. I am a total believer of making friends and family a major priority, but when you begin to constantly do so much for others and so little for yourself, you create a problem. I know for fact that I worry a lot about others and sometimes put their burdens on myself. Let me tell you that it is not healthy. It becomes stressful and completely draining. I have begun to lose sight of what I need in my life and what I need to do in order to ensure that I am going to be okay. That is why I am going to make some promises to myself and set some realistic goals. In order to carry out those goals and make those promises to myself, I know that I need to become aware of myself and figure out what I am doing.

I procrastinate a great deal. I never verbalize these thoughts, but I think them constantly. I always tell myself that I am going to make a positive change that I will benefit from immensely, but I never do it. I never realized until now that I’m not "practicing what I preach." I spend so much time telling those around me to keep true to yourself and to never let the words of others or worries of the world stop you from reaching the heights you want to reach. I tell myself this from time to time, but I am not acting on it. It makes me wonder what kind of person I am if I don’t do as I say. I can’t blame the world for my wrongs because that is stupid, but I can definitely blame myself. You tend to hear a lot of people say, “don’t blame yourself” and “it’s not your fault you’re in this position.” Sometimes it’s not your fault because certain things are out of your control, but sometimes it is your fault. You are in some positions because you have allowed yourself to be in these positions. It’s good to realize your faults and take the blame for your actions because it helps you move forward.

I want to make some changes because I have so much to live for. When you realize that you have so much to live for, it makes you want to do better. It makes you want to make positive changes in your life. I have a little sister that needs me. She needs a big sister to look up to and someone to show her that it is possible to make something great out of yourself. I have a family to make proud. I’m going to be an aunt and a role model to a beautiful little girl that needs to know that she can defy the odds. If that isn’t enough to make a person want to do better, then I don’t know what is. I don’t want to be that girl who looks back at her life and realizes that she could have prevented so much by making progressive changes.

It is completely normal to say we are going to do things and never do them. We’re human and it happens, but when you keep saying something for years and years and never act on it, I think it begins to say something about your character. It makes you feel like a hesitator. People say they are waiting for the right time, but that time is now. I am a part of that group of people and I am not ashamed to admit it. If one thing has become evident to me, it is that things happen too fast. You could be perfectly fine one second and gone the next. All we have is this time, and it is a gift. 

Make some promises to yourself. Promise that you are going to do something good. Promise that you are going to stop hesitating. Promise that you will stop living in the past and move on to the future. Staying in the past takes away from the now. Most of all, promise that you will live vibrantly. Everything that you do, do it with a purpose. If you are going through the motions of life and doing things that have no purpose, are you even living? Have a smile on your face and know that everything has an ending point. If you are struggling with something, know that it has to stop eventually.

Once you realize the issues in your life and understand that they need to be dealt with, you can begin to move forward. Believe and make these promises to yourself. Set those goals that you know will make you happy. Make changes that are meaningful to you and see where life takes you.

A Letter To My Freshman Year Roommate

Song of the Day: Younger by Seinabo Sey

***This post is dedicated to my roommate from my freshman year of college. I hope everyone is lucky enough to have found a roommate and best friend at once.***

Dear roommate,

I want you to know how grateful I am for you. Because of you, my college experience was so much better than I thought it would be. In all honesty, I would probably be somewhere close to dead if I did not have you to guide me through this difficult first year. You have seen my at the happiest moments, and you have seen me at my weakest. 

You probably would never believe this, but I was terrified to have you as a roommate. Before college, everyone I knew told me to never room with a friend or someone you have known for a while because it never ends well. Well, I am so happy that everything worked out just fine. I was worried that you were going to judge the hell out of me, which you probably do anyway. I thought we would never get along and fight over the dumbest things, but we didn't. By taking a leap of faith and rooming with someone I have known since my freshman year of high school, I learned that if you go into a situation with a clear head and optimism, things will find a way of working out.

I honestly do not know what I am going to do without you next year. You have set a precedent, my friend. I expect all of my roommates from now on to be as amazing as you are. I mean, who is going to make me Easy-Mac in the middle of the night when I don't feel like getting out of bed? Who is going to make sure I don't die or get arrested after a long night of Blacksburg shenanigans? Who is going to help me make decisions when I'm feeling indecisive, which is 24/7? Where am I going to find another innocent but ratchet individual like you? Most of all, who is going to be my best friend and reassure me that I can continue to press on? You have shown me what true friendship is. It is loving someone without judging them for their wrong doings. It is helping someone out when you know that they are too afraid to ask for it. It is being completely honest to each other and displaying teamwork. I can't imagine how next year is going to be without you. I'll probably call you all the way in Switzerland to ask you what I need to do with me life because we both know I have no idea.

Thinking about all of the crazy adventures we have had over the past nine months makes me want to laugh, but also cry because I know we won't have a chance to do that again for a while. From "borrowing" forks and knives from dining halls because we were too poor to actually buy them to seeing our lives flash before our eyes on 81, I realized how precious and amazing life can be. I can't imagine going through freshman year without you. Where am I going to find another roommate that I can share clothes with or pick on for no reason at all? Probably no where.

You are my best friend, and I want you to know it. These past few days living with you make me realize how blessed I am to call you not only my roommate, but a friend. Thank you for putting up with my craziness. I know I can be a little too much at times, but I am grateful that you have always been there for me. I will always cherish our friendship and our bond. I am writing this because we both know how sensitive I can be. I am not really good with expressing my feelings verbally, so I chose to write them. I know that you think that I'm not going to miss you, but Emmy, I am. 

Take over the world in Switzerland and Africa. I know you will do incredible things, and I'll be counting down the days until January.

Love, Summer Elease Lawrence

"Sometimes you'll laugh and sometimes you'll cry. Life never tells us the winds of why. When you've got friends to wish you well, you'll find that point when you will exhale." -Whitney Houston

A Year Later

Song of the Day: Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw
Today marks a year that I was wait-listed at my then first choice school for college. I remember the very moment when I found out. I came home from school, and I found a letter from that school sitting on my dresser. I looked at the letter and it was like my whole entire world came crashing down. I had my mind set on GMU. I was entirely confident that I would get in. I was scared, thinking that I was going to have to settle and go to Roanoke College. Don't get me wrong, Roanoke is a great school, but I just couldn't picture myself there being happy. I told one of my favorite teachers what was going on, and she told me not to worry. She told that I shouldn't let it ruin my weekend and it will all work out. Mrs. Scott reassured me that everything was going to be fine, and that when one door closes, another one opens immediately.
She was right. I still remember that moment just like it was yesterday. It was March 21, 2014 at 10.24 PM. I was at the National Beta Convention in Richmond with the Beta Club. Someone announced that they got into VT, and I was like, "what? I didn't even know when we were finding out." You see, I only applied to Tech just because. I had all of these doubts. I thought to myself, if I didn't get into GMU, how in the hell would I get into Virginia freaking Tech. My friends and I were trying all day to connect to the server, but the website wasn't working because so many people were trying to log on. Around 10PM, we decide to go to the hotel's lobby where they have computers. Emma, who also applied, checked hers first and she got in. I made up some lame excuse, saying that I wasn't going to check on the computer because I didn't want it to ruin my weekend. I was secretly checking my application status on my phone (thank the Lord for technology). That's when it happened. I found out I got in. I screamed and began to cry. Truthfully, I did not think I would get in. I called my mom and the tear of joy came over me. I had never been happier.
Now that it is a year later, I'm still happy about my choice. I tend to think about what my life would be like if I got into George Mason. Would I be as happy as I am now? Would I have found an amazing group of sisters who accept and love me as if I am blood? It is scary to think about because my life could be entirely different. My love is wonderful and great, and I am just grateful. I never thought I would ever say that I am happy I got wait-listed. At first I was afraid and embarrassing to tell people about that, but now I am at the point in life where I am secure enough to tell people about
how I got to where I am now. I just want people to know that it somehow and someway, things DO work out for the better. I am sure of that.
I thought this quotation was appropriate on this very special day:

"Thank God for all I missed, 'cause it led me here to this." Darius Rucker

What Constitutes A Family?

Family, when defined by my own personal reasoning, is home. It is what you can run to when all else fails. It is what catches you when you begin to slip. It is the one thing in this world that you can truly rely on. Family is not defined by blood, but by love and altruism. True family fights for you. They do anything and everything in their power to make sure that you are safe. They stand up for you and never let others do you wrong by any means. They don't tear you down piece by piece, but build you up slowly to ensure that all of your missing pieces that were taken away by those who claimed to care for your well-being are found. Family is simply there for you regardless of the situation. They don't go behind your back and do things out of spite, but tell you straight to your face when something is up.
Everyone has their own views on who or what makes up "family," and I completely understand that, but family to me is everything. Most people, when they refer to their family, they think of it of every single person who is a blood relative. Me? I don't think that at all. Family are those who show authentic love and care towards you. Although the love and care may be shown in several different forms and sometimes in ways we may not like at times, but it is completely genuine. We all have our extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins, but how many of those relatives can you count on 24/7? For me, pretty much none. I have learned through observation, and seeing how the people I once thought of as my true family treated my loved ones just changed my outlook on what family really is. Every family is dysfunctional. Lord knows mine is, but I love them. I don't love them because I'm supposed to, but because I know they are directly there for me. The only family I need are my parents, siblings, grandparents, and friends/supporters who love me dearly. By blood I have plenty of family members, but when it comes down to narrowing down the list of people who mean the world to me, most of them aren't on it. That may seem incredibly harsh to them and their feelings, but it is completely honest. I want people in my life that can count on--people that I can call up and know they will do their best to make sure that I am ok. I want people that understand my definition of family and realize that it is so much more than blood and law. It is everything to me. I love my family with my whole heart. Sometimes we may argue and not see eye to eye, but that unconditional love is still there regardless. We may not talk or see each other everyday, but when we see each other after a long time, it is as if nothing has changed and that love is still there. My family is the one constant in my life that I can rely on. When one hurts someone who I consider as family, they hurt me because I feel for them. For example, if someone was to say or do something that hurt my father, it hurts me also because I genuinely love him, and seeing him hurt hurts me. I think that is what family is about. Family should be a united front, standing together always. Family is there for you, regardless of the direction the things in your life are going.

I honestly don't have to explain my reasoning behind this post, but today I want to. The holidays are meant to be spent with those who show unconditional love for you. Christmas means different things to different people, and I completely understand that. I was always taught that Christmas is meant to be spent with your family to fellowship and remember the sole purpose of the holiday (coming from a Christian POV, obviously). I didn't want to spend this precious holiday pretending to be happy in front those who only show true care towards me when I am giving them something or doing things that pleases them. Christmas this year was spent with my immediate family (parents/sister/grandparents), no more. Spending this precious time with them made the holiday even greater. Being in the presence of people who love you regardless of what you get them for Christmas is what this holiday is about. It is about celebrating life and love. And maybe the food, too ;)

I hope and pray everyone had a lovely Christmas. Whether you are a spiritual person or not, I hope it was spent in the presence of people who truly care for you. I'm learning as the years go by that it is not just about the presents we receive, but about the lives celebrated.

***I wanted to close with one of my favorite quotations about family***

"There are too many moments when we are unbreakable. And in this moment, we are one family--constructing road as we go, burning bridges behind us, adding mileage like graceful aging, driving in our car towards moonlight." The Fosters

-Summer Elease Lawrence

My Day

Song of The Day: Something Big by Shawn Mendes (AKA my new obsession) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mytLRy32Viw]

It’s funny how a conversation with a total stranger can completely change your outlook on your whole entire day. Every Monday and Wednesday after my Creative Writing class, I go to Turner to eat lunch and sit in there for a few hours because my next class isn’t until 2:30PM. As usual, this place is completely crowded. It’s one of the nicer places on campus to eat, and the food is to die for. After walking in the cold, pouring rain, I reach my destination. I walk into Turner, and there is literally nowhere to sit and the lines are outrageous. I don’t know why, but everything seemed so much more crowded today. I began looking for any familiar face and a place to sit. The way Turner is set up is that there are tables and there are “bar-like” seats. I saw an open seat between these two girls. Me, being the awkward individual I am, asked nicely if anyone was sitting there, and one of the girls said no and smiled. I was so glad because I wouldn’t have to look any further and the seat was next to the crepe place.

I come back with my food and eat. Today had already been stressful because I was dealing with Thanksgiving break troubles and assignments for classes that day, plus it is Monday…and raining. Once part of my struggles were alleviated, I was smiling and a little relieved. Out of nowhere, the girl sitting to my left told me that she liked my water bottle. It’s a cute, blue bottle with multicolored anchors and ropes. I responded by saying thank you, and she told me that I seem like a joyful person. That made me so happy because that is one of my favorite things to hear. I try my best to be optimistic and happy all the time. I was a little surprised that she noticed because I hadn’t said or done anything to her but smile. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate making direct eye contact with people and I begin to fidget with my hands or drink water if I’m in an awkward situation. I also touch my face a lot. I can’t help it. She starts to have a conversation with me, and I was completely nervous because I thought our conversation would end with me saying thank you for her compliment. I learned that her name is Rachel, and she is a senior here. She also is in the same major that I am in. After we finished talking about school related things, she says, “this is a weird question, but do you need prayer for anything?” I was shocked because I was not expecting her to ask that. Before I even noticed, I smiled and said yes. She asked me what I needed prayer for, and I said my biology grade. Biology has been my most difficult class this semester, and I have been extremely stressed about it. She continued and asked if there was anything else I needed prayer for, and without even thinking, I said I needed prayer for travelling safety over Thanksgiving break. Right there in Turner, she prayed with me. In the middle of hundreds of people, she took a little moment out of her schedule and prayed with me. She wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed; she just did it. To be honest, for the first time in a while, I prayed and devoted time to God. I’m not perfect, and I am not ashamed to admit that. I know that I haven’t been doing as I should, but in this single moment, I felt whole.

After having her pray for me, I felt so right. I had a brighter outlook on my entire day. I texted my parents about what had just happened because I’m that girl. This just shows me that no matter what you are doing or where you are, God is there. I don’t even know how this girl knew what I needed or that I was having a hard day, but I am so grateful that she did. It is completely true that the way you carry yourself tells a lot about what kind of person you are. At the end of our conversation, she told me that I made her day a lot better. That is so funny because she did the same to me. I think the world needs more Rachel’s—people who aren’t ashamed of who they are and not afraid to talk to some strange person who is having a difficult day.

I just thought I would share this amazing encounter I had this afternoon. I hope everyone has an amazing Monday, and remember, being open-minded and optimistic can change your outlook on life for the better.

--Summer Elease Lawrence

I miss home.

Song of The Day: You Make Me Brave by Amanda Cook & Bethel Music [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc] 
***Since it is my 18th Birthday, I thought I would share an adorable picture of me!***
The fact that you are in college really hits hard when for the first time in your entire life you cannot spend your birthday with your family. Today is my eighteenth birthday, and truthfully, all I want to do is spend it with my family. Yes, it is super nice having phenomenal friends here at college who shower you with gifts and love, but nothing amounts to being in the presence of the ones who have spent this very special day with you since birth. It just feels weird to me. I have not been home since July, and the best I get it is a phone call or a Facetime date. Do not get me wrong, getting those calls are the best part of my day, but nothing amounts to the really thing. For the first time, I feel a little homesick. The other I was having a really shitty day, and whenever I feel bad or feel like whining (venting), I call my mom. I know that sounds pathetic, but it is how I deal. I called my mom, and I could sense something in her voice. I do not know what it was, but her voice was just screaming I wish you were here without saying the actual words. I was sitting outside of Pritchard on the phone talking, and all of a sudden, my eyes began to water. I tried to hold it in. I really did…until I talked to my little sister. She is my absolute favorite person, and just talking to her made me want to rush home immediately. I am torn between wanting to have the most amazing experience of my life and wanting to be with my family. I know this is totally natural, at least I hope it is. I know for sure that I am not the only person feeling this way. When I spoke to my mom and told her that I was trying not to stress myself out over my classes, she told me over and over that in the end, all of this will be worth it. I hoped she was right, and somehow, someway, I know she is. Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of my family. They are my motivation. I do not want to let them down, and most importantly, I do not want to let MYSELF down. I have worked way too hard to be where I am, and I am more than sure that I am not going to throw all of this away because I am homesick. I will persevere, and I will do what I need to do.
In life, all you need is a little bit of optimism, and I believe you will be perfectly fine.
--Summer Elease Lawrence

Leap.

Song of The Day: Dear Future Husband by Meghan Trainor [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp7qWfDANrU]
I am blessed. I am blessed beyond measure. I never knew that by going to Virginia Tech I would be so blessed. I do not know what I have done to deserve such a beautiful life, but whatever it is, I am so thankful I did it. I have never been so happy and felt so loved in my life. SO many amazing things have been happening in life, and I just cannot fit all of my emotions into this single post. When I try to describe my life at this single moment, I become speechless and just smile. I am happy. For the first time in my life, I am genuinely happy with my life, my friends, my school, and most importantly, myself. That, right there, is the single most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that you are in a place for a reason is filling. I am full with happiness and love. I can say that in my eighteen years of living (as of 9/21), the greatest choice that I have made is going to Virginia Tech. I just love it here. I love it SO damn much that I just cannot stop saying it. Thinking back to the time that it was not even on my list of schools to apply to makes me scared. I cannot help but think what if. What if did not get wait listed at my first choice? What if I had never applied to Tech? Where would I be right now? What kind of life would I be living? Would my family be proud of me? Would I be this happy and blessed with amazing friends? Isn't it terrifying to think about the fact that if you did not make a certain decision, your life could be completely different? Although I think those questions constantly, I do not want to find out. I cannot imagine a life without being here at Virginia Tech. I know that by now I sound like a crazy fanatic, but God, I just cannot help it. Things are happening in life that I would have NEVER thought would happen. I have found friends that care about my well-being and that make me feel special and wanted. I know that I have friends at home that are like this, too, but I thought it was going to be particularly difficult for me to find that here. I have found my "group." I have found my group of friends that I can go to for anything, and I know that they will be there for me, supporting me all the way. I am also about to make a ton of more friends because I got a bid!
Yup, I said it. I got a freaking bid. I did not tell anyone that I was rushing a sorority because I did not want their negativity, not like it would make me change my decision anyway. A lot of people, when they found out, were like, "why didn't wait until the spring to rush?" I have my reasons. Trust me, I just do not do things on a whim. Whatever I do, I promise you that I have went over it numerous times in my head before I make a decision. The reason I rushed is because I wanted a different experience. Most people, when they talk about sororities, talk about them in such negative ways. I wanted to experience this for myself. I wanted to see how it was, and GDS was nothing like what people said sororities were like. The first day I went to the interest meeting, I knew this was for me. At the meeting, one of the sisters said something that made my decision to rush even easier. She said, when comparing non-PanHellenic sororities to PanHellenic sororities, that it was better to be a big part of something small than to be a very small, invisible piece to something huge. Those words made my decision. I did not want to join a huge sorority because I personally believe that in smaller groups, you become closer and make deeper connections, and that is what I want. I want to create friendships with these girls and have a memorable college experience. Yes, I probably could have had a fantastic college experience in a huge PanHellenic sorority and made a few good friends, but I fell in love with GDS instantly. Plus, I was not into ending my Christmas break early and paying money for formal recruitment. Rush week was not as intimidating as people made it out to be. The girls were SO nice and fun, and that is what I need in my life. I want to branch out, make new friends, and discover a whole entire different world than what I am used to. I wanted to take a chance, take a step out of my comfort zone and just do something different. I never expected to want to join a sorority. I always thought and was told that sorority girls are the definition of the "basic bitch." Well, I will be as basic as I want, because their opinions do not matter. As long as I am happy, I will continue to do what I do. My pledge class is great, too. The girls and I instantly clicked, and I really feel like we are going to be super close. People were right when they say that in college you will discover SO many things about yourself.
My advice for anyone out here in this world that is just coming into college would be to take a leap. I took a leap of faith, and in return, I was rewarded. I was rewarded with happiness, friends, and an amazing life. Take a chance. Do something out of your comfort zone and do not listen to what others have to say about it. If they want to talk, let them. Let them talk, because all their words can do is stop you, and if you let their irrelevant words stop you, then you need to rise up. Rise up and take charge of your life. Do what makes YOU happy. That is all that matters. If you are not happy, then everything you have will amount to nothing.
Be happy, smile, and never forget to be optimistic.
--Summer Elease Lawrence

I LOVE COLLEGE

Song of The Day: Body Love (Part 1&2) by Mary Lambert

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3f1zii5skA

[Ladies, listen to this. I'm weird, so the first time I listened to it, I cried just a little...ok, maybe a lot. Oh well. What can I say? I'm human, and I cry at almost anything. Listen to the lyrics and just think about them.]

I have been sitting at my computer for days trying to figure out where I should start. I wish I could sum up my first three weeks of college, but that would honestly take way too much time. I am still a little bit shocked that I am in college so fast. All of my friends back in Windsor are still at home for a good four weeks, and I am here in the lovely Blacksburg. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE it here. Not to brag or anything, but MY school is freaking amazing. Virginia Tech is absolutely perfect, and I am not just saying that because I go there ;). The sense of community is what I love the best. It is the single most spirited school I have ever heard of in my entire seventeen years of living. Ahhh...I could go on and on, but that is not the point.

Since I have been here, I have a grown independent. I actually do things on my own now, like laundry. Okay, so I did have to call my mom a few times to ask which water temperature I use when washing clothes, but other than that, I am feeling independent. It is lovely not having someone telling you what to do and how to do it every second of the day. No one is there to tell me to get out of the bed, to clean my room, or to eat dinner. I feel like I have the world in my hands right now. People were not lying when they said that these years are the best years of our lives. I am just having so much fun. Fun can include simply hanging out with your friends or walking to 7/11 at midnight. "Fun" does not always have to entail getting severely wasted. I have found the perfect group of friends already, and even though we have only known each other for a few weeks, I feel like I have known them for a long time. They know silly, embarrassing things about me that my friends back home who have known me for years know. I just feel like they get me. They understand that I like to have fun, that I am the clumsiest person they'll ever meet, and they know I'm a compassionate person. Is it weird that I feel closer to them than the people I have know all of my life? I also adore my roommate. I was apprehensive about meeting and rooming with Ami, but everything turned out well. We get along perfectly, and honestly, she and I are alike in so many ways.

This clean slate is just what I needed. Of course I miss home, but I do not miss the little bits of hell that accompany it. Blacksburg is my new home. I feel so comfortable and safe here. People say that home is where the heart is. Well, my heart is in Blacksburg, Virginia. It reminds me of Windsor in so many ways. The first time I visited VT, I saw a line of guys in camo and boots. Right then, I knew I was at home. Whenever I hear a country boy say "yee-yee," I am instantly reminded of Windsor High School.

Currently, I am taking two classes over the summer. One is 'Mind and Body Practices,' and it is....okay? We are learning M&B practices that are outside of the norm, and we also meditate and do yoga. My second class is 'Drug Education,' and I love it. It is absolutely fascinating. At the moment, these classes seem incredibly easy, but I just know that when the fall semester comes around, things will become harder. I have 8AM class every day of the week, and let me tell you, IT FREAKING SUCKS! NEVER, I mean NEVER, take an 8AM class if you have the option. I have never been so tired in my life. My first full weekend in Blacksburg, I slept until two in the afternoon. I never sleep that late, so obviously I was tired. I created my schedule for the fall, and my earliest class is at 11:15! I am very happy about that, btw. I am so excited about my schedule because I am taking a creative writing class. I cannot wait for this. I love writing, so hopefully it will be great. After my senior year, I said I would never take another online class again, well, I kind of jinxed myself. Apparently, all psych majors at VT are required to take an online class. BORING! But wait, it gets EVEN better. I have to take an ONLINE MATH CLASS. Yeah, I said an online math class. I hate math with a passion.

Virginia Tech's campus is so quiet during the summer, but I can honestly say that I am freaking excited for the fall. I finally know my way around this big campus. I don't get lost anymore like I did on my first week here. That was a disaster. I know how leave on time for my classes and get there on time. I have felt a shift in my life since I have been here. A good shift, of course. I think I am straying away from the person I was in high school, and I am maturing. I have experienced a whole new world and have meet people from all over the world, too. If someone asked me in high school if I wanted to spend over an hour in a spinning class, I would have said "hell to the freaking no," but now, it is totally different. My friends and I have been doing spinning classes and Zumba throughout the week, and I feel great. Not to brag on my school or anything, but Tech's athletic facilities are top notch.

The only way I can sum up how I feel about being here is by saying I simply love Virginia Tech. I do not think I will ever become tired of seeing the beautiful Hokie Stone every single day. It is breathtaking, and I love it. I am happy, I am content, and I am just living my life.

I am simply grateful.

--Summer Elease Lawrence

<div align="center"> <strong><em><font color="#ff0099">Song of The Day: Body Love (Part 1&2) by Mary Lambert</font></em></strong></div> <div align="center"> <strong><em><font color="#ff0099">[Ladies, listen to this. I'm weird, so the first time I listened to it, I cried just a little...<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" id=":z.55" tabindex="-1" role="menuitem" aria-haspopup="true" style="background: yellow;">ok</span>, maybe a lot. Oh well. What can I say? I'm human, and I cry at almost anything. Listen to the lyrics and just think about them.]</font></em></strong></div> <div> <<span class="goog-spellcheck-word" id=":z.61" tabindex="-1" role="menuitem" aria-haspopup="true" style="background: yellow;">br</span>></div> <div> I have been sitting at my computer for days trying to figure out where I should start. I wish I could sum up my first three weeks of college, but that would honestly take way too much time. I am still a little bit shocked that I am in college so fast. All of my friends back in Windsor are still at home for a good three weeks, and I am here in the lovely <span class="goog-spellcheck-word" id=":z.64" tabindex="-1" role="menuitem" aria-haspopup="true" style="background: yellow;">Blacksburg</span>. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE it here. Not to brag or anything, but MY school is freaking amazing. Virginia Tech is absolutely perfect, and I am not just saying that because I go</div> </div> </div>

Today. Is. Our. Day.

Song of The Day: Under The Lights by Cassio Monroe (Graduation Version)

It's been a long road, you guys. It has been a beautiful and not so beautiful thirteen years, but you know what? We made it! This is our day, the day that we have worked so hard towards all of our life. As we part and go our separate ways, remember to cherish every moment from our journey. Whether the memories are good or bad, they have shaped us somehow. They have led us to where we are today. Do not think of graduating as a way to get away from this tiny town or from the people that have drove us crazy over the years, think of it as something you can check off from a long list of things you want to accomplish in life. I am going to miss this, all of this: the hallways, the yearbook room, my favorite teachers, the horrible cafeteria food, and my friends. Someone told me that we are only friends with the people we are close to in high school because we see them seven hours for five days out of the week. I hope that is not true. That is the scariest part about graduating--not seeing your friends as much. I remember my blog posts from earlier in the school year. I was crying and stressed about finding out who my real friends are. Now that I have found them, I am afraid to let go. This year, I have become friends with people I said I hate because others said they weren't cool enough. I think that I have grown mentally and emotionally. I no longer care what people think of me because I am friends with a certain person. I am my own person, and I am smiling right now because I know that this is true. Tonight, as we walk across that stage at Windsor High School, I want you all to know this it has been an absolute pleasure being able to spend some of the best days of my life with all of you. Believe it or not, each and every one of you in the class of 2014 has said or done something that I will remember. Believe that. I know today will be full of tears of joy and laughter. I am just so proud of each and every one of us. This will be a night to remember. Now, today would not just be right if I didn't end this sappy post with one of my favorite quotations that I have been waiting to use for the past five years. It fits perfectly.

“Today’s the day my life begins. Today I become a citizen of the world. Today I become a grown up. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents. Accountable for more than my grades. Today, I become accountable to the world. To the future. To all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up wide eyed and willing and ready. For what, I don’t know. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today, my friends, our lives begin. And, I for one can’t wait.” -Grey's Anatomy

Congratulations To The Class of 2014 

Torn

Song of The Day: One by Ed Sheeran 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix9NXVIbm2A
I feel like I am on the edge of a precipice. I am at the point where if I am sitting alone and begin to drown myself in memories of friendships and school, I will come tumbling down. Yes, this is how I feel about school coming to an end.
One moment I am freaking ecstatic because I am graduating from high school in exactly twenty-five days. The next moment, I could be listening to Good Riddance by Green Day and I will feel the tears welling up in my eyes. For some odd reason, that song still makes me cry after all these years. I feel as if I am torn. I want to leave, but then I don't; I want to branch out and meet new friends, but I still want to keep my current ones. It is like I do not know what I want anymore. I have sat down many times over the past few weeks on my bed trying to rationalize things. I try to figure out what the hell is my problem. Back in September, I remember being so joyous and ready to be finished with high school, but now, I am sort of rethinking my situation. Don't get me wrong, I am most definitely going to miss the dear WHS, but it's been a long four years. I wish I had the right words to sum up how I feel about graduating, but honestly, I don't. Just this morning I was sitting in my first block class, and I was thinking, thinking myself to tears. I was thinking about senior night live, senior teach day, and the rest of the senior activities. Right then it occurred to me. It is totally fine to cry about graduating. The tears that I cry, they are tears of joy in disguise. I just feel like there is a flood of emotions inside of me just waiting for the dam to break.
I was recently talking to my school librarian, and she said that all of this does not become completely clear to you until you are laying in bed in your empty room the night before you leave for college. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry. I wanted to tell her that I feel that now. I feel like now it is becoming so clear to me that it is almost over and a new chapter is about to begin. I am just torn between opening that new book and staying in the old one until I am ready to move on. We all say that we are ready to graduate, we are ready to get out into our own, and we are ready to reach new heights, but in reality, we are all scared. I know that I am and I have no issue acknowledging it. I am 100% terrified of the new life I am about to begin soon. I know that I am going to have to adjust to new things, but it is all a part of the process. It is a part of the process called growing up. I keep telling myself that I am so damn happy about graduating that I cannot stop crying. Inside of my tears are traces of happiness, accomplishment, and vacillation. The tears of happiness come from deep within me because I am happy that I am graduating. How could one not be happy about graduating from high school? The tears of accomplishment come directly from my heart because I am just so proud of myself. If I looked into my future during my junior year, I never would have believed the direction that my life is going in now. The feeling of accomplishment feels so lovely because I am just one step closer to my future. And then there are the tears of vacillation. The sensation of being torn between wanting to stay and wanting to go is so scary. Not knowing what can and will happen next is unnerving. There was a time when I would have called myself stupid for saying that I am scared to leave high school. These past four years have been the epitome of heaven and hell on Earth. Some moments have been better than others, but I don't think I would ever trade it. What we go through and experience shape us more than anything. Eventually, everything will play out. Until it does, I will be counting down the days until I graduate and contemplating how I should feel about all of this!

-Summer L.

I Can’t Stop

Song of The Day: That’s What’s Up by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj0Ha7Xkw7Y&feature=kp]. This is totally different from what I usually listen to, but I fell in love with the song when I first heard a cover of it by Lennon and Maisy [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Mr2pmuad4].

 I find it absolutely mesmerizing how things end up. I find it crazy and unbelievable how something that has been so clear to you for a really long time immediately goes away and another door or opportunity comes knocking the next minute.
Yesterday I had the one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I toured the place that I will call home for the next four years. People obviously were not lying when they said that I would fall in love with the campus. It is beautiful, historical, and just so much to take in. As soon as my parents and I rode onto the campus, I immediately felt it in my bones that I was at home. I felt that after I saw a long line of guys in camo and boots. In that single moment, I was reminded of Windsor immediately. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be going to freaking Virginia Tech. I know that I have been rambling for days about how thrilled I am and how beautiful the campus is, and I am more than sure that my Facebook friends and family are sick of hearing about it already but I cannot stop. There is so much excitement in my life right now that I cannot do anything but talk about it. I am overwhelmed, and that barely describes my feelings about all of this. I thank God constantly for where I am in life right now because I obviously would not be here if it were not for Him, but also because I applied to Tech. At first, I only applied to VT to see if I would get in. I honestly did not believe I would get in. My mind was SO made up on George Mason. I had made plans for GMU and had mapped everything out. After touring Virginia Tech yesterday, I just had this feeling. I think that somehow and someway I was meant to go to here. I know that may seem crazy, but I believe this is true. We go through craziness and trials in our lives to lead us to where we need to be. Maybe George Mason was not where I needed to be. It is like that cliché saying, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I am happy and proud of the direction my life is heading. I cannot even put in words how delighted I am to be graduating soon and going to college. It is a completely new chapter of my life, a new beginning. I have the opportunity to reinvent myself and have a clean slate. I think this is going to be great for me. I was recently notified that I was accepted to the Virginia Tech Summer Academy, so I will be leaving for school in July, which is even scarier. After graduation, I will have like three weeks at home and then I leave for college. The summer academy supposed to be a transitioning thing to help upcoming freshmen make that jump from being in high school to being in college and independent. That is absolutely exciting because there are so many awesome things that go along with going to VTSA like moving into your dorm before your roommate and going to Hokie Camp. Every time I realize that I was one of the 5,400 students accepted to Virginia Tech out of the 20,000 who applied, I think, “holy shit! I did that!” I have made another accomplishment in my life. I have reached a goal because of MY hard work and MY determination, along with the help of my amazing support team. Life is beautiful and full of excitement at the moment. I am just trying my best to continue being optimistic because it feels as if when things are going TOO good, something negative and unwanted to bound to happen. Right now, in this single moment, I just cannot stop smiling.
-Summer L.

Tech, Here I Come!

Song of The Week: Beating Heart by Ellie Goulding: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wrNTOo4KH8c

I feel like I haven't blogged in ages! Well, I haven't done it since December, but I am so happy to be able to find time to do it again. I have so much to share and be happy about. These past few months have flown by incredibly fast. It feels as if life is just shooting right by and I can barely hold on to it. I would like to share the most amazing and best news that I have received this month. This is how it happened/I found out. 

So from the 21st to the 23rd, my school's Beta Club went to the State Convention to compete in some competitions and to represent our lovely school. We were at our second session, and I hate to admit this, but I was on Facebook the majority of the time. It wasn't that it was boring, I was just interested to know what was going on back at home. I saw one of my close friends post that she was accepted to Virginia Tech. Right then and there, my nerves shot up! I immediately went to the VT admissions page, and there was a little headline saying that freshman application decisions will be posted on March 21, 2014 after 5 p.m. I was so nervous and excited all at once. I tapped my friend on the shoulder to notify her because she applied to Tech as well. When I told her, we both began trying to log onto the server. Of course, the website was not working. I found out around quarter to six that the decisions were being posted, and even then the website was already down due to the traffic. When the website finally began to load, I became even more nervous. I entered my information, and the website began loading. I was absolutely terrified because I was afraid of the outcome. I needed to get into this school. The website once again notified me that I should come back later. Fast forwarding to 10 p.m., the girls and I went downstairs to the lobby before we headed up to the Beta mixer. My friend wanted to use the hotel's computer to see if the website would be back up. She said, "Summer, you can use this computer to check yours." All sorts of emotions were running through my mind because if I did not get in, I wouldn't want them to know. I responded by making up some pathetic lie about not wanting to check it because I would rather do it after the Beta Convention is over. There was some truth to that because if I did not get it, I wouldn't have wanted it to ruin my whole trip. While my friend was checking her status, I heard her squeal. It was not just a little squeal, it was full on! She was excited and happy that she got in, and I was for her. While she was freaking out and reading the information, little did she and the other girls know that I was checking my application status on my phone. I didn't want them to know. The page was finally beginning to load. Emotions were flowing through me and my stomach began to hurt. I was trembling a little bit, but I was also trying to conceal the fact that I was BEYOND nervous. All of a sudden, the page decides to load! I let out the biggest scream in the whole wide world. The other girl from another school that was in the computer lounge probably thought I was insane. I GOT IN! I screamed, I jumped, and I cried. Yes, I cried and I am not ashamed of it. I wasn't like sobbing, but more of a happy cry. The girls congratulated me, and the first thing I did was call my mom. I was on the phone, and the fact that it was close to eleven was completely oblivious to me. My mom answered the phone sounding halfway knocked out, and I began telling her my fantastic news. She was so happy for me, and I was beyond ecstatic. I rushed back up stairs to tell my sponsors that I got in and they congratulated me. I just wanted to tell everyone. I was proud of myself because I accomplished something that I didn't think I would. Part of the reason I cried is because I honestly didn't think I would get in. I truthfully didn't. I achieved something I did not think I could, and that makes me so happy. Although Tech wasn't my first choice, it is now! That is where I will be in the fall. After some serious rationalization, sorting out of pros and cons, and venting to friends and teachers, I made my final decision. I think this will  be the greatest decision I have ever made in my seventeen years of living. Now that I am sure of where I will be in the fall, I have began planning. I am excited for college and what it has to bring. I can't wait to meet new people and find an awesome roommate. I know it will be extremely difficult at first and hard to readjust, but I don't think it's nothing I cannot handle.

I just felt the need to share something awesome that has happened lately. Things are going absolutely great for me right now, and I pray to God that it continues to stay this way. Prom is in 26 days and graduation is in 74. My senior year is so close to being over. It is scary but fulfilling. I just cannot wait to walk across that stage at WHS and finally accomplish my biggest goal. I hope that all is well with everyone who reads my blog. I just feel right blogging because I can type out the words that are kept inside. It is a beautiful feeling.

Have a lovely week,

-Summer L.

Wanting to feel comfortable again...

Song of Day: Pretty Hurts by Beyoncé

Each year I have the same New Year's resolution--lose weight. Every year I say that I am going to do it. I say that I am going to make this commitment. The beginning of this year, I started my healthier way of eating for like a week, then I fell off. Truthfully, I think it was because I was trying to lose weight for the wrong reason. I thought that if I lost a pound or 20, I would finally get a boyfriend. Pretty pathetic, right? Also, one of the people that I used to be extremely close to was going on a diet, so I was like, "I can do this because they are." Then, one of my long time friends began dieting and she lost TONS of weight. She looks absolutely amazing now, and I am beyond proud of her. She has inspired me to try even harder. This time, I want to lose weight for the right reasons. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. I want to look in the mirror naked and love the reflection I see (TMI?). I want to be able to go prom dress shopping with my friends and not feel so insecure because they have beautiful bodies and I don't. I want to feel good again, and not feel the urge to cry whenever other girls gossip about the teeny tiny pant size. I want to love myself again. I feel as if these are the right reasons.

I have never been a small girl. Even when I was a baby, I was a little chubby. My dad's side of the family is "big boned", as they would say. May I note that I HATE that  phrase! I do not want to let that be an excuse for my size like they do. I know that some people are meant to have a certain body frame, but I feel like this isn't the one I should have. It is extremely difficult trying to lose weight while living in a home where your father cooks the most delicious meals ever. It is simple, I love to eat. It is so hard wanting to feel comfortable about my body image while living in a home surrounded by food. It is hard wanting to eat healthy when I live in a home where the rule is, if you don't eat what's on the table, you don't eat at all. Trust me, I don't complain when I taste the food, but I always feel so bad afterwards. The other day, I went to the dentist, and for some unknown reason, they want to take your weight. My little sister went first, and of course, she barely weighs a pound over 100. Finally, it's my time to go, and my heart begins to race a little bit. I step on the scale, and I tell the nurse, "you don't have to say it out loud." I did not want my mom and sister to know. After I saw my weight, I felt SO upset with myself because I know I can do so much better. I kept making up excuses like, maybe it is a little bit higher because I didn't take off my boots. That moment there, I knew making up excuses was not going to cut it.

I want to do this for myself. I just wish that losing weight was as easy as gaining it. Gaining weight is almost effortless. Losing it, not so much. Do not get me wrong, I love myself dearly. I just want to feel comfortable again. My goal for this year is to lose at least 20 pounds. If I lose more than that, I will be astonished. I know of course it will be hard, and I also know that I say the same exact thing each year, but something about this upcoming year feels different. I have way too much to look forward to in 2014. I will be graduating, going my senior prom, senior trip, college, and I will be turning 18 in the fall. I am beyond excited for all of this.

As we cross into a new year in three days, I want to say that 2013 has been one hell of a year. Honestly, I don't think I have ever cried or stressed out as much as I have this year. This year has had its ups & its MANY downs. I am, and always will be, grateful for the lessons I have learned this year. From everything that I have gathered, the most important thing I have learned is to never let people who don't give a single damn about your life, dreams, feelings, or anything about you for that matter ruin your day. Life is too short to be surrounded by those who don't care. Next year, be around the people who will better your life, not ruin it.

I hope everyone has a lovely New Year...

•••Summer L.

Is it really the most wonderful time of the year for everyone?

Song of The Day: Shake It Up x Natasha Bedingfield [One of my favorite Christmas songs]

Christmas is coming along. It's funny how this is the happiest, yet saddest, holiday for people all around the world. There is always so much festivity and joy during this time, but to know that there are some in the world who cannot feel this excitement for the holiday makes my heart hurt. I just wish there was someway to make this all better so that everyone could share the happiness together. I know that there is the angel tree, food drives, and all of those other donations from communities, but I wish there was someway, somehow, that we as a society could do much more. Knowing that little kids will not have the chance to wake up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning and not have gifts to open or a table spread with Christmas dinner is disheartening. We take what we have for granted, and it know that is a cliché, but it is too true. A group of ladies at my church recently came back from Kenya on a mission trip, and they told stories how different it is over there. After hearing the summary of their trip, I realize that we have so much to be grateful for, but most of us do not even notice it. The children in Africa were thrilled when they received something simple. They were flabbergasted when one of the women showed them that she could turn her cell phone around different ways to take a photo. They were just shocked that she had a cell phone. Sara (I believe it was her), one of the women who went on the trip, said that when their missionary group arrived to the village, first there were a few villagers arriving, but then several men, women, and children arrived just to see them. They walked just to come and see Americans. She said they kept asking why she was not Caucasian because not many of the previous missionaries consisted of black women. They were just astonished to see people of their own skin color that were from America, the place they have heard so much about. If we all were content with everything we had, our lives would be so much better. If we had the hearts of those children who were happy with what they had, we would all be so different. There is nothing wrong with living a simplistic lifestyle, but we chose not to. Of course those families in Kenya need help because of poverty, HIV/Aids, and other damaging factors, but they have what they need and they're happy with that. 

Another thing that ladies shared from their trip was that the adults and children praised God. No matter what their circumstances were, they praised. They danced, sang songs, and worshipped God for what they had. Hearing that today made me reflect on so much. We all have been given so much, but do we take a single moment to say thank you? A quote on Instagram a while back stopped me, and it said, “What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?” This single quote opened my mind so much. Take a moment to think about that. What if you woke up tomorrow morning with the things you thanked God for today? What would you awake up with? We have to think about these things. Every single chance we get, say thank you.

Always be grateful for everything you have. If it is only a pair of socks, be grateful because someone in the world does not have that. We do not look like what we have been through, so every chance you have, say thank you. As the holiday approaches, do something that will benefit someone else. We should do this all year round, but if you do not, please do. If you only give a quarter to the people standing in front of stores or give a bag of old clothes to a person in need, that is enough. Do something that will make someone else smile. No one should have to be down during the happiest time of the year. Life is too short not to do good deeds for each other. If you don't have anything to be happy about right now, take a deep breath. You are breathing, and that is EVERYTHING to be happy about.

Happy Holidays! With much love,

Summer E. Lawrence.

How could we change the world?

Today I was asked to enter a contest along with some others at my school that required writing a 400 word (maximum) statement on something that is preventing the world (local community, state, etc.) from moving forward, how it can be fixed, and why is it important to us. I wish it could have been longer because I really wanted to go in to full detail on this topic. I might have been a tad bit mad that I found out the deadline was tomorrow, so this was a spur of the moment thing. I just felt like sharing this with you all.

In today’s society, there is a constant struggle between what we know and what we assume. The constant lack of knowledge that lies within the world is prohibiting us as a nation from reaching our full potential. Imagine living in a world where there is no ignorance. It would be a complete utopia. The lack of knowing about other people’s lives, cultures, and personal backgrounds are one of the main reasons we cannot get ahead as a whole. If everyone takes just one minute to learn a single fact about stranger’s background, who knows what the world can be. There are more similarities between the people around us than we would like to believe. Some assume that since a person is a specific race or religion they are going to portray a particular personality or live a specific life. They give in to a disgraceful type of assumption known as stereotypes.
Across the world, there are labels for every race. African Americans are expected to be ‘ghetto’, non-sophisticated individuals, Caucasians are expected to be upper class and prestigious persons, and people from the Middle Eastern region are directly assumed to be terrorists. That is the reality of closed-minded people. If we could grasp their brain-washed minds, we could make them understand that all African Americans are not lower class citizens who depend on welfare, all Caucasians do not get fed off a silver spoon their whole lives, and not all of those from the Middle Eastern part of the world plan on destroying the United States. When society gets rid of ignorant stereotypes, America will then reach its zenith. We cannot get ahead if society continues to inhibit those fabricated assumptions.
This issue as a whole is significant to me because I have been stereotyped all of my life. When one is diverse and completely opposite of her racial stereotype, others begin to create wrongful assumptions. Everyone has been stereotyped or put in that position at least once in their lifetime. It is our job to prove the close-minded people wrong and show them whom we really are. One should be defined by the character that shines through her, not by the color of her skin, nor through the God she may or may not worship.

It gets easier...(they said)

Song of The Day: You're Not Alone by Marrie Miller

Let me just note that today was the absolute worst day of all of the days I have been in high school. I usually have great days. I'm always super optimistic from the beginning of school until I leave. Today was different, much different. It seems like most of my problems from school end up having to do with my friends, well, acquaintances. 

Most of the people I am close friends with, I have known them since at least elementary school. When you are friends with a person for that long, things should feel as if they are progressing in a positive way. Well, things feel like they are declining. High school really does change people. Some people are changed for the better, and then you have those who don't. I used to have the hardest time making friends, but this year I have made SO many, and I think that is where the problem is. People are right when they say keep your circle small. I have never had this many people that I am "cool" with, and that makes me so proud. Believe it or not, I used to be extremely quiet and shy. People literally had to make me speak. If you did not talk to me, I did not talk to you. I changed for the better (I like to believe).

Being around new people, you want them to like you, laugh at your jokes, and just appreciate you. To be apart of a group in high school, you will do about anything to fit in. The people you hang out with have a strong effect on you. I know from personal experience, especially this year. The people you believe are your friends are the ones who will have you laughing so much one day and crying in the school bathroom the next.

From my experiences this year, I have learned that the only friend you can depend on to be honest with you is yourself, for the most part. Depend only on yourself, or you will most likely end up like me- wondering why the people you call your friends hurt you so badly. 

Friendships are complicated, especially if there is trouble when the relationship is new and fragile. I have also learned not to expect much from others. You cannot make people like you. Even if you go to extreme lengths to make them laugh or do anything to make them feel included, there's a chance they will not like you. It hurts when you will do anything to please that one friend, but as soon as she hears something that was ASSUMED from a person she has known for a very small time, she will flee and judge you. It happens. 

I think when you are friends for a really long time with someone, you can feel when the friendship is slowly fading away. There will be many moments when you two cannot come to similar terms. There will be times when you cannot fix something that was broken a long time ago. After that, one day you two will look at each other and that's it. All you will have is the memories from a friendship that you thought would never end. 

My goal is just not to stress the little things. Friendships come and go, but you just have to learn to get over it. Stay optimistic. Being happy is good for the body. There are way too many reasons not to be happy. If you are alive and breathing, that's enough to be happy about right there. 

Positivity is the key.

-Summer :)

I TRIED!

I haven't blogged in what feels like ages because I have been extremely busy with school, so I have to make time for fun stuff like blogging.

I decided to write a sonnet for my English class. Honestly, I did it in hopes of getting some extra credit. I mean, who would not want some extra credit? As I was writing it, I was thinking that it was beginning to sound somewhat decent. Hopefully you all think the same.

Summer's Sonnet

I never knew telling you the truth would

Be just as bad as setting off a bomb.

A vanishing of everything that we could

Have been in the dead center of my palm.

The illusion of our love burning in

Flames that demolish what we never had

Makes my own hopes and dreams cease to end in

Very bitter memories- So sad.

But maybe this was serendipity-

A fortunate mistake by my own heart.

No longer will I have false imagery

That would not have worked from the very start.

As the fire continues to burn strong,

My heart begins to write a new song.

**I was comparing telling someone how a girl feels about a guy to a bomb detonating. The shift of the sonnet is in line 9 when I say that it was a good thing for the girl to tell that person how she feels because it never would have worked from the start.**

I know this isn't some jaw dropping, straight up phenomenal sonnet, but I thought this was pretty decent for my first try. I just thought I would share this with you guys. If you don't like it, that is completely cool. All that matters is that I tried! :)

Recap...

Song of The Day: Best I Ever Had by Gavin Degraw

Wooowww! I honestly can't believe I'm already three weeks into my senior year. Everything is starting to settle and sink in that I'm actually graduating in 100+ days. Yesterday that became VERY real to me because I submitted my first college application to Roanoke College! Seems crazy, right? School is going amazing, and I hope it stays that way. Of course there will be times where it may get stressful, but that's life.

The first week of school was beyond overwhelming. I am taking three AP classes this year. Yes, I said THREE! Freshman year, I never would have guessed or even thought about taking three AP classes or even one for that matter. One of my classes is online, and lets just say the first day of that sucked! The whole entire website was just straight up confusing. I finally just started getting the hang of it. 

I have never had so much work to do. I'm not complaining, I am just surprised. At times I feel like I'm in over my head because there is always something I have to be doing. I keep telling myself that this all will pay off in the end. All of the hard work is just preparing me for something greater.

In great news, I was voted senior class VP. Talk about being excited! I also was nominated for homecoming court, but I didn't win that. I was just happy that people nominated me. Everything is falling into place. My grades are pretty good at the moment, and I am happy. The best medicine is happiness :)

There will be moments when things aren't going too well and I will be stressed, but all of this is preparing me. It is preparing me for college and life. I know I can handle whatever life throws my way. I am just so happy and blessed to be surrounded by positive people. I can truly say I am in a great place in my life.

Can't wait to see how the rest of the year unfolds!

- Summer

Digging Down Deep And Realizing...

Song of The Day: In The Shadows Tonight x Megan and Liz

When I look in the mirror, I don't seem to recognize myself anymore. I don't see the girl I want to be. I don't see the girl I SHOULD be. It is funny, because we all have expectations of ourselves. Some people expect themselves to be successful or just a simple living person. I expect so much from myself because people expect so much from me. I have been starting to think that everything I have done to get me this far has been for other people's perception of me. I have spent my whole life trying and trying to be what people like. I have tried to act one way to fit in with the black kids, tried to act another to fit in with the white kids, and I have even changed the way I act to fit in with my screwed up family. The question is why. Why have I done this? I have spent way too much time trying to please people. Truth be told, I like pleasing people. I like seeing people be proud of me. I like seeing people smile at my many accomplishments. After a while, all of this becomes old. After a while you start to realize that this isn't what you want. I don't want to spend the rest of my life pleasing others to make them proud. 

I get an exhilarating thrill from making people proud of me. A euphoric feeling rushes trough my veins. I get a defining smile when someone simply says "I'm so proud of you". All of that makes me feel even better. Once you start doing things that you no longer like to please your 'frieds' or family, your inside starts to hurt. Your mind and body begin to eat you up. By that, I mean your mind challenges you. You start to question yourself. You question your reason for living, your religion, your everything. When you get to a point where nothing makes sense anymore, you don't know what to do. You don't know what's wrong. You feel like you're going insane because your cry for no reason and make pointless decisions. When people ask you what is wrong, you respond with nothing. Truth be told, you don't know what is wrong. 

I don't know what is wrong. Maybe it is my family and maybe it is my friends, the few that I have now. Wanting to cry for no reason is painful. Being alone and not being able to talk to anyone is even worse. Parents say that you can talk to them about anything and they'll listen. Most of the time that's a lie. If I went to them with everything that has been going on in my life, they wouldn't understand. Their first expression would be to quote a scripture or mumble something about a psychologist. Truthfully, I am only saying this about them is because chances are they will never read this, and I'm totally fine with that. I would rather tell a complete stranger how I am feeling than tell my parents or friends any of this. Maybe it is because I'm a hormonal teenager, but feeling confused and lost like this is not normal. We all have our moments in life where we hurt. Feeling like you have no one is not normal in my world. 

Feeling like all of your friends are a million miles ahead and you are still at step one hurts. It is like I am a 'late bloomer' or something. Wanting to be like everyone else, but not wanting to is overly confusing. Everyday struggles are what we are meant to go through, but they become challenging. I hope and pray that I'm not the only sixteen year old girl that feels like this at times. If I am, I don't know what to do. I pray and pray constantly for something, a sign or anything, to come up and assure me that my life and future are going to be OK. I need some type of assurance.

This is how I have been feeling currently. So many things are going on and I'm just scared. I guess I am just afraid of the future. I don't want anyone to think anything wrong of me, but this is how I feel and who I am.  

-Summer