I Can’t Stop

Song of The Day: That’s What’s Up by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj0Ha7Xkw7Y&feature=kp]. This is totally different from what I usually listen to, but I fell in love with the song when I first heard a cover of it by Lennon and Maisy [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-Mr2pmuad4].

 I find it absolutely mesmerizing how things end up. I find it crazy and unbelievable how something that has been so clear to you for a really long time immediately goes away and another door or opportunity comes knocking the next minute.
Yesterday I had the one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I toured the place that I will call home for the next four years. People obviously were not lying when they said that I would fall in love with the campus. It is beautiful, historical, and just so much to take in. As soon as my parents and I rode onto the campus, I immediately felt it in my bones that I was at home. I felt that after I saw a long line of guys in camo and boots. In that single moment, I was reminded of Windsor immediately. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be going to freaking Virginia Tech. I know that I have been rambling for days about how thrilled I am and how beautiful the campus is, and I am more than sure that my Facebook friends and family are sick of hearing about it already but I cannot stop. There is so much excitement in my life right now that I cannot do anything but talk about it. I am overwhelmed, and that barely describes my feelings about all of this. I thank God constantly for where I am in life right now because I obviously would not be here if it were not for Him, but also because I applied to Tech. At first, I only applied to VT to see if I would get in. I honestly did not believe I would get in. My mind was SO made up on George Mason. I had made plans for GMU and had mapped everything out. After touring Virginia Tech yesterday, I just had this feeling. I think that somehow and someway I was meant to go to here. I know that may seem crazy, but I believe this is true. We go through craziness and trials in our lives to lead us to where we need to be. Maybe George Mason was not where I needed to be. It is like that cliché saying, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I am happy and proud of the direction my life is heading. I cannot even put in words how delighted I am to be graduating soon and going to college. It is a completely new chapter of my life, a new beginning. I have the opportunity to reinvent myself and have a clean slate. I think this is going to be great for me. I was recently notified that I was accepted to the Virginia Tech Summer Academy, so I will be leaving for school in July, which is even scarier. After graduation, I will have like three weeks at home and then I leave for college. The summer academy supposed to be a transitioning thing to help upcoming freshmen make that jump from being in high school to being in college and independent. That is absolutely exciting because there are so many awesome things that go along with going to VTSA like moving into your dorm before your roommate and going to Hokie Camp. Every time I realize that I was one of the 5,400 students accepted to Virginia Tech out of the 20,000 who applied, I think, “holy shit! I did that!” I have made another accomplishment in my life. I have reached a goal because of MY hard work and MY determination, along with the help of my amazing support team. Life is beautiful and full of excitement at the moment. I am just trying my best to continue being optimistic because it feels as if when things are going TOO good, something negative and unwanted to bound to happen. Right now, in this single moment, I just cannot stop smiling.
-Summer L.

Digging Down Deep And Realizing...

Song of The Day: In The Shadows Tonight x Megan and Liz

When I look in the mirror, I don't seem to recognize myself anymore. I don't see the girl I want to be. I don't see the girl I SHOULD be. It is funny, because we all have expectations of ourselves. Some people expect themselves to be successful or just a simple living person. I expect so much from myself because people expect so much from me. I have been starting to think that everything I have done to get me this far has been for other people's perception of me. I have spent my whole life trying and trying to be what people like. I have tried to act one way to fit in with the black kids, tried to act another to fit in with the white kids, and I have even changed the way I act to fit in with my screwed up family. The question is why. Why have I done this? I have spent way too much time trying to please people. Truth be told, I like pleasing people. I like seeing people be proud of me. I like seeing people smile at my many accomplishments. After a while, all of this becomes old. After a while you start to realize that this isn't what you want. I don't want to spend the rest of my life pleasing others to make them proud. 

I get an exhilarating thrill from making people proud of me. A euphoric feeling rushes trough my veins. I get a defining smile when someone simply says "I'm so proud of you". All of that makes me feel even better. Once you start doing things that you no longer like to please your 'frieds' or family, your inside starts to hurt. Your mind and body begin to eat you up. By that, I mean your mind challenges you. You start to question yourself. You question your reason for living, your religion, your everything. When you get to a point where nothing makes sense anymore, you don't know what to do. You don't know what's wrong. You feel like you're going insane because your cry for no reason and make pointless decisions. When people ask you what is wrong, you respond with nothing. Truth be told, you don't know what is wrong. 

I don't know what is wrong. Maybe it is my family and maybe it is my friends, the few that I have now. Wanting to cry for no reason is painful. Being alone and not being able to talk to anyone is even worse. Parents say that you can talk to them about anything and they'll listen. Most of the time that's a lie. If I went to them with everything that has been going on in my life, they wouldn't understand. Their first expression would be to quote a scripture or mumble something about a psychologist. Truthfully, I am only saying this about them is because chances are they will never read this, and I'm totally fine with that. I would rather tell a complete stranger how I am feeling than tell my parents or friends any of this. Maybe it is because I'm a hormonal teenager, but feeling confused and lost like this is not normal. We all have our moments in life where we hurt. Feeling like you have no one is not normal in my world. 

Feeling like all of your friends are a million miles ahead and you are still at step one hurts. It is like I am a 'late bloomer' or something. Wanting to be like everyone else, but not wanting to is overly confusing. Everyday struggles are what we are meant to go through, but they become challenging. I hope and pray that I'm not the only sixteen year old girl that feels like this at times. If I am, I don't know what to do. I pray and pray constantly for something, a sign or anything, to come up and assure me that my life and future are going to be OK. I need some type of assurance.

This is how I have been feeling currently. So many things are going on and I'm just scared. I guess I am just afraid of the future. I don't want anyone to think anything wrong of me, but this is how I feel and who I am.  

-Summer 

Ideas, Please!

Song Of The Day: Where You Belong x Kari Kimmel

Part of my intention for this blog was to write about anything and everything. I want people to read this so they will know what goes on in the world and what I think. 

What do YOU WANT to here from me? [meaning what would you like to hear my opinion on] Nothing is off limits. Seriously, you can ask me anything from how I feel on certain issues going on in the world right now to questions about my life. I love giving people my whole opinion to people. I believe that it is very important to let your voice be heard.

Ending this post with a great quote from an amazing song by Emeli Sandè...

"You've got the words to change a nation, but you're biting your tongue. You've spent a lifetime stuck in silence, afraid you'll say something wrong. If no one ever hears you, how are we going to learn your song?" [Read All About It: Part Three]