Pinky Promise

Song of The Day: Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli

Because of summer break and everything that has been going on in my life lately, I have had a lot of time to think. Maybe too much time. I constantly find myself lingering over the question of “what am I doing with my life.” I find myself creating images in my mind of what my life could be like, what I could be like. I came to the conclusion that we sometimes spend so much time making promises to others and do not spend enough time making promises to ourselves. I am a total believer of making friends and family a major priority, but when you begin to constantly do so much for others and so little for yourself, you create a problem. I know for fact that I worry a lot about others and sometimes put their burdens on myself. Let me tell you that it is not healthy. It becomes stressful and completely draining. I have begun to lose sight of what I need in my life and what I need to do in order to ensure that I am going to be okay. That is why I am going to make some promises to myself and set some realistic goals. In order to carry out those goals and make those promises to myself, I know that I need to become aware of myself and figure out what I am doing.

I procrastinate a great deal. I never verbalize these thoughts, but I think them constantly. I always tell myself that I am going to make a positive change that I will benefit from immensely, but I never do it. I never realized until now that I’m not "practicing what I preach." I spend so much time telling those around me to keep true to yourself and to never let the words of others or worries of the world stop you from reaching the heights you want to reach. I tell myself this from time to time, but I am not acting on it. It makes me wonder what kind of person I am if I don’t do as I say. I can’t blame the world for my wrongs because that is stupid, but I can definitely blame myself. You tend to hear a lot of people say, “don’t blame yourself” and “it’s not your fault you’re in this position.” Sometimes it’s not your fault because certain things are out of your control, but sometimes it is your fault. You are in some positions because you have allowed yourself to be in these positions. It’s good to realize your faults and take the blame for your actions because it helps you move forward.

I want to make some changes because I have so much to live for. When you realize that you have so much to live for, it makes you want to do better. It makes you want to make positive changes in your life. I have a little sister that needs me. She needs a big sister to look up to and someone to show her that it is possible to make something great out of yourself. I have a family to make proud. I’m going to be an aunt and a role model to a beautiful little girl that needs to know that she can defy the odds. If that isn’t enough to make a person want to do better, then I don’t know what is. I don’t want to be that girl who looks back at her life and realizes that she could have prevented so much by making progressive changes.

It is completely normal to say we are going to do things and never do them. We’re human and it happens, but when you keep saying something for years and years and never act on it, I think it begins to say something about your character. It makes you feel like a hesitator. People say they are waiting for the right time, but that time is now. I am a part of that group of people and I am not ashamed to admit it. If one thing has become evident to me, it is that things happen too fast. You could be perfectly fine one second and gone the next. All we have is this time, and it is a gift. 

Make some promises to yourself. Promise that you are going to do something good. Promise that you are going to stop hesitating. Promise that you will stop living in the past and move on to the future. Staying in the past takes away from the now. Most of all, promise that you will live vibrantly. Everything that you do, do it with a purpose. If you are going through the motions of life and doing things that have no purpose, are you even living? Have a smile on your face and know that everything has an ending point. If you are struggling with something, know that it has to stop eventually.

Once you realize the issues in your life and understand that they need to be dealt with, you can begin to move forward. Believe and make these promises to yourself. Set those goals that you know will make you happy. Make changes that are meaningful to you and see where life takes you.

A Letter To My Freshman Year Roommate

Song of the Day: Younger by Seinabo Sey

***This post is dedicated to my roommate from my freshman year of college. I hope everyone is lucky enough to have found a roommate and best friend at once.***

Dear roommate,

I want you to know how grateful I am for you. Because of you, my college experience was so much better than I thought it would be. In all honesty, I would probably be somewhere close to dead if I did not have you to guide me through this difficult first year. You have seen my at the happiest moments, and you have seen me at my weakest. 

You probably would never believe this, but I was terrified to have you as a roommate. Before college, everyone I knew told me to never room with a friend or someone you have known for a while because it never ends well. Well, I am so happy that everything worked out just fine. I was worried that you were going to judge the hell out of me, which you probably do anyway. I thought we would never get along and fight over the dumbest things, but we didn't. By taking a leap of faith and rooming with someone I have known since my freshman year of high school, I learned that if you go into a situation with a clear head and optimism, things will find a way of working out.

I honestly do not know what I am going to do without you next year. You have set a precedent, my friend. I expect all of my roommates from now on to be as amazing as you are. I mean, who is going to make me Easy-Mac in the middle of the night when I don't feel like getting out of bed? Who is going to make sure I don't die or get arrested after a long night of Blacksburg shenanigans? Who is going to help me make decisions when I'm feeling indecisive, which is 24/7? Where am I going to find another innocent but ratchet individual like you? Most of all, who is going to be my best friend and reassure me that I can continue to press on? You have shown me what true friendship is. It is loving someone without judging them for their wrong doings. It is helping someone out when you know that they are too afraid to ask for it. It is being completely honest to each other and displaying teamwork. I can't imagine how next year is going to be without you. I'll probably call you all the way in Switzerland to ask you what I need to do with me life because we both know I have no idea.

Thinking about all of the crazy adventures we have had over the past nine months makes me want to laugh, but also cry because I know we won't have a chance to do that again for a while. From "borrowing" forks and knives from dining halls because we were too poor to actually buy them to seeing our lives flash before our eyes on 81, I realized how precious and amazing life can be. I can't imagine going through freshman year without you. Where am I going to find another roommate that I can share clothes with or pick on for no reason at all? Probably no where.

You are my best friend, and I want you to know it. These past few days living with you make me realize how blessed I am to call you not only my roommate, but a friend. Thank you for putting up with my craziness. I know I can be a little too much at times, but I am grateful that you have always been there for me. I will always cherish our friendship and our bond. I am writing this because we both know how sensitive I can be. I am not really good with expressing my feelings verbally, so I chose to write them. I know that you think that I'm not going to miss you, but Emmy, I am. 

Take over the world in Switzerland and Africa. I know you will do incredible things, and I'll be counting down the days until January.

Love, Summer Elease Lawrence

"Sometimes you'll laugh and sometimes you'll cry. Life never tells us the winds of why. When you've got friends to wish you well, you'll find that point when you will exhale." -Whitney Houston

A Year Later

Song of the Day: Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw
Today marks a year that I was wait-listed at my then first choice school for college. I remember the very moment when I found out. I came home from school, and I found a letter from that school sitting on my dresser. I looked at the letter and it was like my whole entire world came crashing down. I had my mind set on GMU. I was entirely confident that I would get in. I was scared, thinking that I was going to have to settle and go to Roanoke College. Don't get me wrong, Roanoke is a great school, but I just couldn't picture myself there being happy. I told one of my favorite teachers what was going on, and she told me not to worry. She told that I shouldn't let it ruin my weekend and it will all work out. Mrs. Scott reassured me that everything was going to be fine, and that when one door closes, another one opens immediately.
She was right. I still remember that moment just like it was yesterday. It was March 21, 2014 at 10.24 PM. I was at the National Beta Convention in Richmond with the Beta Club. Someone announced that they got into VT, and I was like, "what? I didn't even know when we were finding out." You see, I only applied to Tech just because. I had all of these doubts. I thought to myself, if I didn't get into GMU, how in the hell would I get into Virginia freaking Tech. My friends and I were trying all day to connect to the server, but the website wasn't working because so many people were trying to log on. Around 10PM, we decide to go to the hotel's lobby where they have computers. Emma, who also applied, checked hers first and she got in. I made up some lame excuse, saying that I wasn't going to check on the computer because I didn't want it to ruin my weekend. I was secretly checking my application status on my phone (thank the Lord for technology). That's when it happened. I found out I got in. I screamed and began to cry. Truthfully, I did not think I would get in. I called my mom and the tear of joy came over me. I had never been happier.
Now that it is a year later, I'm still happy about my choice. I tend to think about what my life would be like if I got into George Mason. Would I be as happy as I am now? Would I have found an amazing group of sisters who accept and love me as if I am blood? It is scary to think about because my life could be entirely different. My love is wonderful and great, and I am just grateful. I never thought I would ever say that I am happy I got wait-listed. At first I was afraid and embarrassing to tell people about that, but now I am at the point in life where I am secure enough to tell people about
how I got to where I am now. I just want people to know that it somehow and someway, things DO work out for the better. I am sure of that.
I thought this quotation was appropriate on this very special day:

"Thank God for all I missed, 'cause it led me here to this." Darius Rucker